Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
