She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
