I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
