the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
