He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
