a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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