No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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