we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
