I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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