Cold hands, warm shart.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
