A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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