Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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