well I can't set my house on fire every night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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