apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
