trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
