You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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