I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
