so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
