From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
