i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
