STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
