I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
