he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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