Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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