Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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