Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize