batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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