tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
