i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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