dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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