guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize