wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize