So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
