i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
