I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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