This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
