What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ladies don't puke and tell
I touched a dick in church today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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