i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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