I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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