never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
