we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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