dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
