Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
