I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
