my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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