Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
