I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
