Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
