oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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