the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize