Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
