My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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