Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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