we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize