She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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