maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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