My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
