so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
