she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
