I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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