soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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