wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fill condoms, not promises.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
