I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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