Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
