I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
