I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
tell me about the fingering
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