This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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