why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ttyl tear gas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
