I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
