Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
